The Hungry Caterpillar

My toddler loves when I read him "The Very Hungry Caterpillar". I don't know about you, but I read this book as a child. I specifically remember the page where the caterpillar is big, and fat from all of the foods he ate throughout the week.

My son points at the caterpillar each time we read it, and says "big". And I say "Yah! Look at that caterpillar. He's so big from eating all of that food." The caterpillar then builds himself a cocoon and goes to sleep before emerging into a big, beautiful butterfly.

This is the part that always stumps my son. He's still too young to understand that the caterpillar has the ability to transform into something completely different. Something bright, and beautiful that can be free to fly through the skies in any direction he wants. I can see in my sons eyes that he is trying to figure out why the caterpillar is no longer a caterpillar. It's okay that he doesn't understand now, because one day he will.

I am reading this book as an adult, and for the first time, I am grasping the transformation of the caterpillar in a whole new light. I was the caterpillar, and now I am the butterfly. It took me thirty-four years to find this metaphor.

Transformation is never ending. From the moment we arrive here, until the moment we leave, we have the ability to change.

Somebody once told me in my twenties, "If you are not learning, you are not growing. If you are not growing, you are dying." That stuck with me. I often share that analogy when the opportunity arises. I feel that it is good food for thought.

Just like the very hungry caterpillar, we are constantly eating the things people say and if you're smart, you will absorb the wise things that people say and use it when building your cocoon.

Unlike the caterpillar, humans have the gift to change as many times as they want. The caterpillar gets one shot. We get as many as we want.

Six years ago, I made the decision to go to therapy. That was the moment I decided to build a new cocoon. I was not happy with the person I had become, and I envisioned transforming into the woman I wanted to be. It was the vision that led me to the road of self discovery, but more importantly, self love.

This was no easy task. Building my cocoon would take years of practise.

When I think of practise, I think of the many years I played sports. Practise is for trial and error. It's okay to go to practise and miss every shot you take, but hopefully come game time, you can get one of those shots in the net. Practising what I have learned in therapy was (and still is) an everyday pursuit. To say I failed along the way is an understatement.

The behaviours and patterns that are embedded in you are the strong forces that will try to hold you back from untying the internal mess.

For me, learning that those behaviours and patterns existed would be the key to opening the door to many self realizations. I needed that door to open in order to build my cocoon with the wisdom it needed to become the butterfly I dreamed of.

Oftentimes people choose to avoid the problems within themselves. They eat the food that tells them they are a victim. They fill their body with words and ideas that the world has wronged them.

The food you are eating is going to become the cocoon you are building for your future. When you break free from this cocoon, the world will become darker. You will feel captive to your beliefs that the world is out to get you.

That was the place I was once in, and let me tell you, that is a scary place. But it was the place that got me dreaming of what life could be like if I could just find somebody to help me get there. http://www.ontariotherapist.com/

When you reach a point in your life where a desperation to hang on replaces your everyday living, that is when you need to seek help outside of yourself. Whatever you have been doing up until this point is no longer working, and it's time to ask for help.

Patterns and behaviours tell a lot about a person. If you get real with yourself and remove the victimization from your vocabulary, you'll be able to see what you are eating and what you are feeding.

How are your relationships? How is your physical health? How is your nutrition? How often do you drink or do drugs (marijuana included)? What are your toxic behaviours? What pain are you holding onto? What trauma have you buried? This one is tough because some people don't realize there is trauma. What limiting beliefs hold you back from being your best self? Also a tough one. An example could be something like, "I'm too old to go back to school."

Facing the hard truths was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was the most rewarding.

They say that the truth will set you free. I didn't even know that I had toxic behaviours and patterns six years ago. I just knew that I was surrounded by a world that was closing in on me. It felt like no matter how hard I tried to be better, the world and the people in it weren't on my side.

I was constantly losing, and I was tired of it.

When my therapist had me thinking about my contributions to the toxicity in my life, I was able to see the truth. The problem is not the world, but how you perceive it. If you're not willing to look inward, you become a victim. You may in fact be a victim, but even victims can heal.

It begins with looking inward.

Once I recognized my own patterns and behaviours, I was able to go back in time and pinpoint where they came from.

When I was able to pinpoint where they came from, I was able to find compassion for the younger version of myself. This allowed me to use kind dialogue with myself and heal the parts of me that hurt.

Once the healing started, new perspectives came to light. The inner peace that I began to feel would be the driving force to continue down the road of self love and healing.

Six years later, and here I am. As I write my second book, I am sure that I have pushed through the cocoon I have been building and I am ready to fly.

The road I am on now is peaceful. As the years have passed, I have eaten things that didn't sit well with me. Those are what I call mistakes. We are all bound to make them.

The best part of therapy is the tools I have accumulated along the way. I now have the tools to recognize when something no longer serves me, and I am able to let go. If something doesn't taste good, I take note of it and I do not indulge in that food again.

Remember, we are using food as a metaphor to what we feed our minds.

Once in awhile, a certain food will taste good, but it feels bad. That's where things can get tricky, and the voice of self-love needs to be louder than the voice that rationalizes with hard truths that we don't always want to hear.

If something like deep fried food tastes good, but gives you a stomach ache or makes you feel tired and less motivated, are you going to eat it again? Most of you will probably say yes, because lets be serious... Deep fried foods are the bomb. But why are you doing that to yourself?

It's just like toxic relationships. People love how it feels to be in a relationship that gives them the high, but unfortunately, highs come with lows and the lows create negative patterns and behaviours. We go back because it's what we know. It's what we like.

What if I told you that if you stopped eating deep fried foods, you'd feel happier? What if I said eliminating deep fried foods would help with the weight loss you've been working on for ten years? What if I said cutting out deep fried foods would give you more energy to do the things you are always putting off because you are too tired?

Doesn't all of that sound great? The same thing goes for toxic relationships (I'm just using this as an example). When you leave a toxic relationship, I can assure you the path brightens.

Therapy is not linear. It's all over the place at first. You are essentially trying to fix what has already been hardwired into your system.

The road to self love and healing is full of uphill battles in the beginning. You are up against a system that is going to beg you to stay the same. It's what you know.

Change is uncomfortable. FIGHT THROUGH IT! I promise it will become more comfortable the better you get at sitting with the uncomfortable. It will end up becoming the most peaceful feeling you have ever felt. The road will have longer stretches of flatness, and will become easier to navigate as time goes by.

I am not perfect. I am always seeking guidance through human interaction, spiritual practise, and my mistakes. We are born to be imperfect. We are born to fail. It's our imperfections and failures that can teach us the most about who we are and who we can become.

Imperfections and failures don't have to feed the negativity in you. They can be the resources to finding strength, love, peace and the growth we need to transform into the beautiful butterfly you want to become.

From the moment we become a living organism, we become the caterpillar eating what is in front of us. As babies, we are innocent and pure and look to others for food.

As we grow and transform into little people, we break free from the cocoon that others helped build. Time goes on, and we evolve finding new ways to build cocoons that we emerge from at different points in our life.

At some point, we need to take our life into our own hands and stop eating the bullshit that has taken away from our peace and happiness. It's time to eat the things around us that will ultimately build a cocoon of safety, joy, peace, love, and comfort.

Breaking free from a cocoon we methodically built is by far the most freeing thing you can ever do for yourself.

That is where I am at now.

I am ready to fly. The greatest part of the journey is knowing that I am ready to experience life with a fresh set of eyes and to build another cocoon over the years to come.

I am so excited to eat the foods I know serve me well, and to find new foods along the way.